Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
Randomize
