May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Randomize