She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
Randomize
