If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
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