i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
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