Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
29 “I’m Getting Old” Moments
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
19 Worst Song Lyrics of All Time
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
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