you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
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Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
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I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
I have poison ivy on my dick
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen