Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
God I need to hump something, right now.
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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