Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
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Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
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I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision