I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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