omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
i drank out of a bidet.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
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