I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Randomize
