Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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