You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
Randomize
