Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize