Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Randomize
