i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
Randomize
