All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.