woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no