the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?