It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground