I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
Her eyes are really red like she jus got out of the hospital and shes coughing ...80 ppl at her school do have swine flu dude
So your saying just a blow job?
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
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