my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
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