Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
I find it funny that "sexual harassment" contains the phrase "ass sex". Let me know what your thoughts are on the matter.
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
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