whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
