i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
