They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
Randomize
