Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
