If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
Randomize
