No awkward lesbian experiences without me
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
So... he formspringed me a link to every nude pic ive taken since he 8th grade. ive evolved nicely. but im nervous as to how this a website.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
Randomize
