I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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