my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
