My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
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