I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Randomize
