The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
