then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
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