He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
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the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
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I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
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