M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
Randomize
