Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Randomize
