i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
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