bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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