I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
