god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Randomize
