his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
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