Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
My vagina is very pro this idea
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