I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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