I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
Randomize
