So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
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