if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
