yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
Randomize
