How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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