My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
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