I am puke
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
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