need another drink. this is the easiest way
My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
Randomize
