I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
Randomize
