I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
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