remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Randomize