Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
Watching her eat just hurts me
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
not ubering you a puppy
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
Randomize
