I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
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