After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Randomize
