i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
Randomize
