i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Randomize
