He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
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