So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Randomize
