Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
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