Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
Randomize
