He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
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