he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
there was a trapeze. enough said
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
Everyone says I win the strip club
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
did i just pee glitter
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