he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
