I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Randomize
