I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
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