I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
Randomize
