Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Randomize
