I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
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