Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
