put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
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