Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Randomize
