ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
Randomize
