You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
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