walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
he's single and there are thong briefs.
Randomize
